Lockdown has presented a huge challenge to intimate relationships. Are you struggling to make time for intimacy with your live-in partner? Have you been exploring the world of virtual dating? Or have you been forced to choose between moving in with someone and going long-distance? Whatever your situation, it’s definitely not what you had planned. But just because we’re in lockdown, it doesn’t mean our sex lives have to be too.
Unfortunately, it is common to experience a lower sex drive when we’re under a lot of stress and anxiety. So it is no surprise that people in the UK are having “significantly” less sex than before lockdown. In today’s article, I will offer advice on how to maintain or rekindle intimacy through virtual romance and equip you with the confidence and safety tools to kick-start your sex drive in lockdown.
Start with a virtual date
If you haven’t already, then mark a date in your calendar for regular date nights. Opt for at-home dates if you live together or virtual dates if you live afar. I promise it will do wonders for your mental health, especially if you’ve noticed that your self-care routine has slipped in favour of warm pyjamas and sleep.
For date night, make sure it feels like an event; plan a home spa session beforehand, dust off your favourite outfit and make sure you feel oh so good. If you want to go the extra mile, consider wearing some Coco de Mer lingerie under your outfit so you feel like the sexiest version of yourself.
If you’re living under the same roof as your partner, there are many creative at-home dating ideas you can try. But if you’re not living with your partner, then that still shouldn’t stop your fun.
There is a limitless supply of virtual dating ideas floating about on the internet from bake-offs and drawing sessions to online escape rooms. You're guaranteed to have a date to remember, even if you can’t physically meet.
And you never know, if you’re lucky, a virtual date might lead to virtual sex.
What is virtual sex?
Virtual sex refers to any sexual activity that happens in a digital space. It can take many different forms, from sexting to using app-controlled sex toys. You can dip your toes into the pool of virtual romance with a trusted partner, or swim solo and explore the vast amount of online chat rooms. The magic of virtual sex is that it allows you to find intimacy during times when it is not possible to physically meet anyone.
Staying safe online
Before you indulge yourself with virtual pleasures you need to take some precautions to ensure that you are safe. Unfortunately with virtual sex, you need to consider the what-ifs and worst case scenarios of sharing intimate images of yourself, as sadly screenshoting and revenge posts sometimes happen.
So before getting down to business, make sure you know your chosen device and online platform are safe to use. This means making sure your computer is up-to-date and that you have strong passwords with two-factor authentication in place. But also do research into your privacy settings; surprisingly, some digital platforms such as Zoom have security flaws. Instead consider using encrypted platforms such as Signal - if it’s good enough for Edward Snowden then it’s good enough for us!
Another way to protect yourself is to make a conscious effort to not show any identifying features in images of yourself. This means cropping out your face and covering up tattoos or piercings - you can even wear a face mask if it makes you feel more comfortable! And don’t forget to check your surroundings; it is a good idea to use virtual backgrounds or images in video chats in case your room holds clues to who you are. The logic is that if your image does somehow get leaked, then there should be no way anyone can be sure it’s you.
Lastly but not least, make sure all parties involved feel comfortable with having virtual sex, and no one feels pressured just because a pandemic has forced them into being long-distance. This article shares tips on how to feel more comfortable and the importance of communication - just like in-person sex it is essential to establish boundaries, rules, safe words and consent beforehand.
If you want to read more about safe virtual sex, this article is your new bible.
Types of virtual sex to try out
Now that you’ve taken the measures to protect yourself, it’s time to focus on the fun side of virtual sex. I’ve gathered a list of the many ways you can get virtually intimate. Pick your favourite, or try them all for variety!
Sexting is essentially two people consensually texting each other about their erotic fantasies. It can be anything from messages, images and videos sent through texts, email or social media.
Sexting can be an intricate artform of flirtatious emojis and well versed pick-up lines. We can’t all be Shakespeare though, so here are some starting points to help you co-write your next best-selling erotica.
Phone sex is a great way to get your ears tingling from sensational dirty talk. If you’re worried about not being a natural, take some steps to feel more comfortable and read up on some tips beforehand to help you get into the zone and feel more confident. Just remember to not overthink it and focus on having some fun.
Cybersex refers to when people engage in sexual activities and fantasies remotely, over the internet. This can take the form of remote private chats, forums, or video chats. You can even spice this up by trying out virtual sex positions with your partner, or try turning it into a role-play.
Remote controlled sex toys
Thank the heavens for sex toys! Remote sex toys can be combined with phone or cybersex to take virtual sex to whole a new level.
The We Vibe Nova 2 is an innovative sex toy that can be controlled though the We-Connect app... from anywhere in the world! Your partner can change the vibration pattern, speed and intensity from afar. It also has a dual-motor, which means your G-Spot and clitoris can get equal amounts of attention at the same time.
Alternatively, you can receive an earth-shattering orgasm from a remote-controlled toy such as the Lelo Lyla 2 Remote Control Love Egg, LELO Tiani 3 and Rocks Off RO-Duet, which can be used from up to 12 meters away.
One of these remote or app-controlled sex toys might be the best lockdown gift to kick-start your sex life this year!
If you and your partner enjoy watching porn, together or solo, you could suggest swapping porn links or even watching porn together over video chat. This can be a fun way to share sexual fantasies and learn something new about yourself and your partner.
If you’re hot on the technology trend, and in the possession of a VR headset, you could even try virtual reality porn.
If you haven’t got a partner to have virtual sex with but think it might be something you would like, there are services such as Chatroulette, which are often used as a way to have virtual sex with strangers. The digital platform pairs people at random, so no details are given beforehand. In theory, it is completely anonymous - however you should still always take safety precautions, as these are people you do not know.
I hope you enjoy trying out some new things in the virtual realm of romance, but please stay safe! Don’t forget to get in touch and let us know your own secrets for maintaining long-distance intimacy.