The Secret Ménage à moi: How to Masturbate in a Shared House

Victoria Scott - 10 February 2021

Good Evening,

Lockdown means we’re all spending more time at home, and some of us have housemates with whom we don’t necessarily want to share our most intimate activities.

Have you cut down on your masturbation time because you’re stuck in a shared house or flat? Are you looking for tips that will make your me-time more enjoyable without the whole house finding out? Today I’m sharing my advice on how to masturbate in a shared house so you don’t have to miss out.

Just do you

Absolutely Never Feel Awkward or Embarrassed

Masturbating is a completely natural activity that’s medically proven to reduce stress, improve our mood and help us relax. There’s no reason to be ashamed of it or embarrassed about it.

Masturbating is a great way to fulfill your sexual needs - you don’t need any equipment or another person to do it, so it really is the simplest of pleasures. Of course, if you want to, you can easily incorporate toys into your self-love session, but if all you have is a free hand you can still have an amazing orgasm.

So don’t feel guilty or awkward about masturbating when there are other people in the house - remember that they probably do it too.

The only thing to keep in mind is that you don’t want to disturb your neighbours - so be respectful about noise levels.

About Those Noise Levels

Are you a moaner or a sigher? Some of us make more noise during masturbation than others. If you’re one of the quiet ones, you’ve got nothing to worry about! If making noise is part of the pleasure for you - or if you simply can’t help yourself - you may need to think about covering it up so it doesn’t bother your housemates.

The easiest way is to play music. Of course you don’t want to put it on too loud, especially at an unsociable hour, but so long as it’s loud enough to disguise your moans of pleasure then you’re good!

Another option is to generate some white noise that will drown the sound out. An electric fan might be enough to do the trick, or you can play a white noise or ambient sound video on YouTube.

There are some tricks you can try to muffle your own sounds. Cover your face with a pillow at the crucial moment - but be sure not to smother yourself! Or you can use a towel to block a gap under the door. Soft furnishings such as rugs and tapestries can help too.

Do not enter

Lock the Door

Simple and effective. Locking your bedroom door will give you the peace of mind you need to really relax. No one can burst in on you while you’re busy, and there’s something delicious about being able to lock the rest of the world out for a spell.

If you don’t have a lock, you can replace your handle with a locking handle, or simply put a bolt on the inside of your door. If you’re renting, just make sure your landlord has no objections.

Use Headphones for Porn

If you like watching porn or listening to erotic audio, use headphones for ultimate privacy. You can always leave one earbud out in case you need to listen for people coming home. If that doesn’t work for you, try reading some erotic fiction instead.

Use the Bathroom

The bathroom is a great place to masturbate because it’s already a room in the house that everyone knows is private. No one is going to disturb you in the loo. What’s more, you can use the bath or shower to experiment with masturbating in water (it can feel great!). Try some of our waterproof sex toys to make the experience extra special - there is a wide range available on our website.

Masturbating in the bath

Be considerate about when you use the bathroom for masturbation. Don’t do it when you know your housemates will need to use the facilities! You don’t want to emerge from a steamy bathroom with a post-orgasmic glow while the whole house is queuing up to shower.

Use Quiet Toys

The buzz of a vibrator is an iconic sound, but these days it’s easy to get your hands on something that runs a little quieter. If you like to use toys when you masturbate, try one of these options for keeping it on the QT.


Try to Switch off From the Outside World

It’s healthy to give yourself some time out from other people, so don’t feel guilty or like you’re being antisocial if you want to shut yourself away in your room for a while. It doesn’t even have to be about masturbation - sometimes we just need some quiet time to ourselves.

Turn off your phone (or at least put it on silent) so you won’t get interrupted. If you need to give your housemates an excuse for your absence, say you’re doing some reading, meditating, doing your laundry, taking an important call - whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Of course, you may feel perfectly happy to tell them you’re going to masturbate - and why not? It’s nothing to be ashamed of! But equally, it’s a private, personal thing so you’re not obligated to share it with anyone.

Hand on pink silk sheet

Don’t Put Yourself Under Pressure

If you’ve only got a brief window of alone-time, it can be easy to accidentally put yourself under a lot of pressure to reach orgasm. But the more pressure you put on yourself, the more stressed you will become, and the harder it will be for you to achieve orgasm.

Instead, try to focus on the journey rather than the destination. There’s plenty of pleasure to be had, even if you never orgasm at all. Remember that the goal is to feel good - it doesn’t matter how you do that, and it doesn’t matter if you come or not - just as long as it gives you pleasure and makes you feel happy.

Take Your Time

Just because there are other people in the house, don’t feel you have to rush. Take your time to enjoy the process, and play around with different techniques, positions and toys. This is your orgasm, and it’s worth taking your time over. There’s evidence to support that slowing-down techniques like edging can make for a more satisfying orgasm.

Turn it into a Game

For some, the idea of being walked in on is a big turn-on. If you’re one of these people, you may take pleasure from ‘risky’ masturbation sessions where you intentionally leave the door unlocked or try to get your rocks off before your housemates come home. Turning it into a game can up the excitement stakes - but please be considerate of your housemates! Don’t do anything that will embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable in their home.

Have FUN!

I hope you enjoy your valuable and well-earned me-time. Remember to relax and enjoy yourself, no matter where you are. And if you’d like to learn some more ‘masturbation hacks’, check out this video by Hannah Witton.

Lovingly, Victoria xoxo

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